Change

Usually I don't start thinking about changes until it's winter and New Years is close on the horizon but I had this weird moment yesterday where it really hit me. Changes happen everyday....it's little things that set it off, trying to stop drinking caffeine, not eating carbs, the price of gas...everyday they happen and there is nothing I can do to stop them. It's funny how one lives their life and then all of a sudden one day you say....hey remember when? Where do these moments go and how do they slip off our radar so easily? I remember everytime I'd see my neices and nephews they'd run and jump into my arms and hug me. Now I barely get a "Hey Auntie Dawn" out of them - they've grown up, they've become their own little versions of who we were guiding them to be and frankly I don't approve. Or you bump into someone you used to work with and you talk about the things you used to do and you wonder....why don't I do any of that stuff anymore? Changes...they come upon us and you don't even see it coming.

I used to be more obnoxious than I am now - maybe not obnoxious maybe more socially outloud - you know what I mean? I mean I was living my life outloud for all to see and hear and I worked hard to tame that...it's not completely gone because that's kind of who I really am but I've tamed it. I've learned to be a little more patient, to listen more (although I admit I still need work on this one) and to just "be"....although I know I still need lots of work on that one. So I have edited myself, changed....and yet I still feel the desire to go back to my old ways. It's like that style or life has such a magnetic pull to it that I want to be like that and I don't understand when others don't want to be like that too.

I know this person who says they want to get out more, to do things but everytime you ask them to do something they always have a reason not to. At first I thought they were just busy, then I started wondering is it me they are trying to avoid and now I see that they just aren't ready to change. They do not want to change their life rhythm. I can accept that....sort of. I get that it's easy to continue to do what we've always done but don't we then just get what we always got? Ahh changes....it's hard for everyone.

I can't beleive I have less than one year of school left. It's crazy. I spend a fair amt of my time writing papers and/or meeting with my group to get projects done....what will I do when that time is done. I think I've finally adjusted into a new rhythm since all my IAAP stuff stopped. It was a hard few months when I all of a sudden realized I had all this free time and nothing to do with it. I've managed to keep some of that time for myself and am trying to fill the rest with constructive things...not just time fillers.

I can't beleive we are in the middle of August already and it's RenFest and State Fair time. Yikes. Time is flying by. Pretty soon the leaves will be changing, the air temp will cool down and we will be making holiday plans and thinking about New Year Resolutions....ahh, more changes.