There is this man in my building I have nicknamed Smoker Joe. He is an older man, like late 70's and he chain smokes...lately he's seemed particularly sad, or maybe lonely but he hasn't seemed his spunky self. He's sort of what I would label a "dirty old man" but not in a really gross way, is that even possible? Anyway, he was telling me that his wife died in November and who ever told him it got easier lied to him. Lately he's seemed so much sadder than usual and today I saw him and I said How are you doing today and he said....horrible. I responded..awww, come on it's a beautiful day and your up and about..how bad could it be...he said to me...with tears in his eyes, it's terrible to live without Carolyn. I could feel the pain pouring out of his soul. Who would have thought love could hurt so much or for so long.
Lately I've been feeling like I've been missing out on something just being a me but then today, when I talked to Smoker Joe I thought man, maybe the universe knows there is no way I could deal with loving someone so much and then lose them so it's better to not send that my way. Maybe the universe is so much smarter than we really give it credit for? It's not that I don't have love in my life, I have plenty but I'm talking that all consuming, giving your heart and soul to another person only to lose them kind of love. I don't personally know that I would survive that. So...thank you universe for being so much wiser than I give you credit for.
Another beautiful day and I'm working ... but in the long run it's really good because at the end of this month I will have my biggest rent reduction yet. I'm very excited....I can so look at the big picture this way.
Oh and I had drinks with my friend (WWJD) on Friday and I can't wait until Tuesday to see if her exciting life changing news will happen. It's nice when people you love (there is that word again!) and respect have good things coming their way...yeah!!!!!
Bring on the new week...I'm ready.
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