Remember that bumper sticker or t-shirt..it was a picture of this woman crying and that's what the caption read...well all of a sudden yesterday I had this weird kind of moment where I thought OH MY GOD.....ever have one of those days? I had a long conversation with someone and some of the things he said made my brain start thinking along a path it hasn't gone down in a long time. I kinda hate that.
I've been totally digging Jay Brannan's new CD (thanks again Troy!) and there is this one song that has the line...I want to be a housewife...and I thought...that's it...that's what my life is missing...a housewife!! - well in my case a house husband but the concept is the same. Dang it. Why don't I have that kind of a life. I want to come home to a clean, orderly house and is it so wrong to want a little supper on the table once in a while? Doesn't have to be EVERY night but come on! I'm frankly tired of being a solo. Do I want to get married and pop out babies...ummm no...do I want someone there when I come home....yes...but I'll still do my own laundry....for some reason I can't stand the thought of someone else washing my clothes...weird I know. I have said it before, I do not like living alone....I do not like it in a box, I do not like it with a fox.
I get a message from the Universe everyday - not in a hippie freaky the universe is talking to me kind of a message, come on, I'm not crazy but from this website TUT.com....totally unique thoughts....anyway, today's message just sort of brought the whole I want a housewife theme home for me. Today's message is:
"Sometimes, expecting a straight answer from particular folks is absolutely out of the question. And that alone should answer your question."
I've said this before about myself, I am a question queen. It used to really piss off my parents and I'm sure several of my friends, but I have questions, I have things I want to know and the only way to find them out is to ask. We grow up being taught to question things...isn't that how we invented cures for diseases...someone questioned it? I never considered the straight answer part of the equation....I guess I expect that and that's where I go wrong isn't it. No one owes me a straight answer and frankly who is to decide what is a straight answer...everyone's reality is different isn't it.
Hmmm...isn't that interesting. Is there a ying for my yang out there or is that a question I'll never have a straight answer to?
My sleep issues have subsided a bit. Since I gave up the caffeine (a little over a week ago) I seem to be able to actually sleep all the way through the night. I wake up about 5:45 am(give or take a few minutes either way) but my alarm goes off at 6am anyway so it's no big deal. Not like when I was waking up at 4am and not being able to go back to sleep! Now that I am sleeping better I am finding myself having weirder and weirder dreams. Mostly I can't remember them once I'm up and on with my day but last night was a dozy! I work part-time in my rental office of my apt. complex and twice now I've been up on the roof of the building...it's on the 17th floor and it's a pretty spectacular view from up there. Last night I dreamed I was up there checking on things and someone was up there...I couldn't see them but I could feel them. I was getting ready to leave the roof and the door was shut and locked - now that can't happen because it doesn't lock from that side of the roof, but for some reason it was locked. I was scared out of my mind because #1 it was dark and #2 someone was up there.
At first I thought it was one of the office staff playing a joke on me so I yelled out for them. When they didn't come out laughing I started to panic. I thought there is no way off this roof and no one knows I'm up here. I thought I was going to die....then all of sudden this group of kid's came bursting through the door (which also couldn't happen because it's a secured area) and I ran screaming towards the door. Very bizarre. Don't know what it means except that I'm a big old chicken. Regardless of my weird dream - that rooftop view is pretty spectacular!!! Maybe that's all it mean...I like a good view.
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