Bumps in the road

Bumps in the road make us who we are as a person. We start out in life with no real direction, we as children, rely on our parents or some other adult, to guide us, to show us the way. We learn our values and self worth through our interaction with them and the world. At some point in our adult lives we come to the realization that we are who we have created and depending on the people you have surrounded yourself with that may be OK. If you are happy and OK with who you are and where you are at in life then great and kudo's to you- but if you are like most everyone else - someone or lots of someone's are telling you that who you are is wrong, who you have become and the path you are on is wrong and you must change to move forward.

That sucks.

For me personally I've spent a good 40 plus years trying different paths...I feel like Goldilocks - this one's too hard, this one's too boring...this one will kill me....where is the right path? Is there a right path and is it even reasonable to think I'll discover it?

Bumps in the road, that's what we label the icky parts of our lives. The parts that make you scream WHAT WAS I THINKING! Those moments shouldn't come too often but it seems like if you focus on the "bumps" that is all you seem to be encountering. I freaking hate the bumps in the road. I am almost done with school and I thought that as my degree completion got closer I'd somehow discover the answer to my eternal question: What is it that I want to do? When I think about that, it doesn't seem any clearer than when I started. I always think that magically things will get better, that they will change on their own. It doesn't seem to happen yet I always expect it to.

Stupid Hallmark Christmas.

Pink has a song called I'm a Hazard to Myself....talks about having to change everything about yourself to be who you think you want to be. We become our own worst enemy.....why do we think we have to change who we are? We are such complicated individuals aren't we. I think most of the time I don't really care what people think about me but then some sort of insecurity creeps in and I get all paranoid and think I have to change things about myself....really I don't have to I just think I need to. If I was hurting people or myself I can see making changes but just because someone may not like something about me is that really a reason to change?

This morning something really unusual happened to me...it's something I've seen happen to other people and even seen in the movies but it actually happened to me and it really made me sort of have hope again in humanity. I was standing in line in the cafeteria and this man in line in front of me bought my coffee (yes it was decaf!!) and I was so shocked by this random act of kindness I didn't quite know how to react. I stood there in complete bewilderment just staring at him....I almost hugged him. I of course thanked him profusely and he smiled and walked away. What a magical way to start a random Wednesday! No bump in the road today.