Life's Direction

I think sometimes rainy weather causes one to think about things on a deeper level. Or maybe the rain just helps bring out the stuff we tend to stuff so far down us that a sunny day seems to make everything feel ok?

But today, in honor of this rainy day, I feel like letting it out.

Sometimes I feel like my life is like the sail of a boat - sometimes it's full and moving full steam ahead and other times it's like there is no breeze and my sail is hanging useless and I don't move at all.

To add another analogy to it - I feel like I am walking in quicksand these days. It's like I'm trying to go forward but I can't lift my feet enough to actually get moving. Is it the change of seasons? School is really really frustrating me right now. I'm paying good money and I don't feel like it's a great return on my investment...and when I call the school to try to talk to someone about it I get no response. Work is really really unsatisfying and really really not challenging me at all and mix all that in with my pretty much nonexistent my personal life Ugh. Don't even get me started on that. It's just...boring. Nothing really going on and it's boring me. If I were a TV show I'd shut me off or cancel it.

How does one go about recharging their own life? I am bored with myself...nothing new I do seems to add that va va voom I crave. Oh God, am I now boring? Have I reached the point where I no longer have any value to add? Wow....that's a little scary to think about. I know it comes at some point for everyone but I thought I might have some years before that actually happened. Can a person really run out of a way to add value to their own life? I feel really unmotivated these days to even do anything creative - not a good sign. Of course it doesn't help that I've been spending an obscene amount of time trying to transfer music from my Mac to my PC and it of course didn't work...what the...........ugh.

I remember being in my 20's thinking I had my whole life figured out. Remember shiny new shoes, sharp new pencils and the wonderful 64 crayon Crayola box with the built-in sharpener? Where have the simple joys gone to? I think as we get older we tend to analyze our life more, try to figure out why we aren't happier or where it is in life we think we should be. Is anyone really at a point in their life where they say THIS IS IT!? I've had moments....like when I was lying on the beach in Mexico or doing something super fabulous...I've thought THIS S IS IT. This is how I want to spend the rest of my days. Does that feeling really ever stay with a person? A better question is would we want it to? I mean if it does, what do we have to strive for then? I love rainy days. Feels like it washes the cob webs out of my noggin.