Memories

Memories, like the corners of our minds, misty water colored memories, of the way we were.

Man I had a serious flashback this morning as I was walking through the skyway on my way to get coffee. I passed a sign for some radio station and there was a giant picture of Barry Manilow on it and I had this weird dejavu type of moment. I flashed way back to my youth....that's a long time ago....and I remember how crazy excited I was to attend his concert. It wasn't my first concert - that was Hall & Oats on Halloween which I had to sneak into because I was only 16 and my mom FORBID me to go to concerts because people only went there to get high, anyway, I was 18 years old, living with some friends and we splurged on concert tickets. We were up in the nose bleed section but I remember being completely giddy with joy as we arrived and sat down. I thought out of all the people here he will sing to only me. Ahhh, the delusions of youth.
Then I started thinking about how important Barry was in other parts of my life. I had loved him for a long long time. I remember my first kiss was to a Barry song....well kind of. I can't remember exactly how old I was but I do remember it was love. We were playing hide and go seek (clearly I was young like 12/14ish) and I was hiding in the dumpster with Andrew.... so impressed I still remember his name.....and he was humming a Barry song and suddenly, sitting in the giant dumpster (it was a construction dumpster so more building supplies and probably rusty nails!) he leaned over and kissed me. I was so surprised...so excited and so confused. I didn't know what would happen next...do I kiss back, do I stop....I just remember being so confused. Being confused seemed to be what I hung on to. I often feel confused....isn't there a handbook about life I can look things up in and pick from three choices?

Ahh, memories...sometimes they can be fun and comforting and other times they can be a cruel reminder of how mean people can be. After remembering all that fun stuff my mind rambled on to the time when I was older, 16, or as I like to call them "low self esteem days" and again I was playing hide and seek (ummm, did I ever do anything else?) and I was hiding under a car (yeah apparently I'm not a very good player) with this dude...whose name I can't remember probably because he was a total jerk, no wonder I liked him, and he turned to me and said you know I'd kiss you but you have a mustache! I was mortified....yeah the girls in my family are a little generous with the facial hair, it's the Greek genes in us, but jesh.....it wasn't like a full on manly mustache....jesh. That pretty much scared me for life....I'm a regular waxer now....stupid boys.

Our minds are a scary, dark, wonderful place. We can, with just sheer will, change our own history and recreate moments whenever we choose to. Ever talk to two different people who experienced the same event and realize it is so different for each one of them. Much like a first date....one could think it was great and fun and the other thinks it was like sticking pins in your eyes. I wonder if over time we rewrite our own memories. Clearly the really good and the really bad stay pretty clear in our minds but the middle of the road memories....can they be altered?

Are they like a road map that lead us further down the road or are they little potholes in our own road of life? If you make new memories, do you lose the old?