New experiences

Sometimes it just takes something simple to shake the dust off an ordinary life. One you put yourself in a new situation some things become clearer, some become more muddled. I think I'm going down my own path just fine then something happens and I begin to wonder...do I even want to be on THIS path at all? Why not try a new path? What does one have to lose by trying something new? Just the fear of the unknown or the what ifs.

Trying to figure out who you are and where you belong is an on going plight. You have to learn who you are when no one else is there. That seems to be where I am stuck at lately. Who am I and who do I really want to be?

It's funny, at work I am corporate me...well mostly, some odd version of corporate me, but there is a corporate dance that has to be done and as much as I don't always like it, I do it - mostly. Then when you are with your friends you can be someone else and then with family, acquaintances you are someone else. I find something kind of cathartic about who I am with strangers. Maybe it's a way to build up my self-esteem but if I am out alone I have this version of who I am in my mind that is SOOOO much better than anyone I meet. I think I am the queen of the prom and I find that kind of helpful. I like that fact that with strangers you can pretty much be anyone you want to be at that moment. I often feel much more interesting and that I have something to offer when I am meeting people for the first time. It's like once you give them a peek behind the crazy curtain there is no going back. That must be the appeal behind one night stands....you don't have to deal with any of the issues or nuisances of another persons life, just one night. That must be good in some ways.

Working at the ET you get little snippets of who people are as they walk by the office or if they stop by to talk to you...I like to imagine lives for these people based on these snippets of their lives that I witness. It's funny when I find out differently...the reality doesn't fit my scenario of the life I created for them. Sometimes it better, sometimes not. I tease one of my co-workers because she always seems to get a stalker/boyfriend. These people don't give me the time of day but they love her and sometimes it's inappropriate but it makes me giggle. How lonely they feel to try to get some love and affection from a staff person....knowing full well it's a relationship that could never really be anything more than what it is...a few moments. Maybe that's not so bad, a few good moments must out weigh lots of not good ones...right?

Wouldn't it be cool if you could pick and choose your life items like one of those crane games? Each day you could update or change it. That would be good but I wonder if I would have enough quarters.